Already got asked if we're dating
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
