the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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