he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
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There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
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Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.