i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.