Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.