Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
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Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
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You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.