i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He better not be in your backpack
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize