You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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