There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
