I wannas sexs uuuuu
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
