How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
