who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
