omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
