You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize