thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Can Purell be used as lube?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
