By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
