Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
