She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
