Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Well I just put wine in my tea
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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