Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
