she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
