So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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