Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
