Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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