What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
