Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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