Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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