Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
