This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
