i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
