i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
