And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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