now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
