cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
