The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize