My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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