I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
