Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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