Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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