I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
