can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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