yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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