I want to have your abortion
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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