The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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