elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
