I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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