did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
