no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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