thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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