"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
