Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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