Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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