Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
