we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
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It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
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why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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