I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize