i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
