how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
