I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
