I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dignity is for republicans.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
