i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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