WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
