i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
