physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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