I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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