just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
