Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cut my penus on the lid.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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