it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
