i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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