Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
