i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
