The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
